Back in Black

Hello!
I find myself back here again...with good thoughts!
I've been thinking to myself yesterday and today...just wondering about the future. There are so many possibilities waiting for me at the other side of the world, and I wont give any excuses to run away either. There are so many things I yearn to do after the army. I mean, this isnt my 'life', its made up for more then this. This is just a phase, OCS i mean. A challenge, just like any other, but maybe more unique then what I encounter every other day on a 'normal non-army day'.
I want to study, travel the world, get married, be a professional physiotherapist, drive a nice car, live in a nice house, take care of my parents, take care of my grandparents, have kids, play tennis, sing-make music. In all this, and including God in the process.
Of course I give a shit in what I'm doing now. I give everything I do my best efforts, and sometimes when its not good enough, I just take the shit for it. Have i taken such things to heart, yes I have....will I take it to heart any more...no. You know why? Its because I know this isnt my life, and there is so much more in store for me and my future then packing my items in a clean zip lock, sharpening my parang, having a clean field pack. whatever it is...they will try their best to screw us...and they will screw us. 'll just deal with it, then move on.

On a side note. I now have a 'love' interest...but I dont know if im too interested. =(

Real

I'm finding love in strange places.
I find my self attracted to girls I never knew I would be attracted to.
But I like this feeling again? The feeling of lost, unresponded love...if you can call it that.

I want this to be real.

Sedi-yah!

Welcome back to Blogging.
It seems such a long time ago since my last post. But in actuality, it has been only 4 months. I feel as if time is playing a prank on me, that eventually it will speed up and cover up for lost time. But no... I feel only this way because I'm in the military. A place I don't want to be, doing the things that I would rather not do, eating food that I dont like to eat, staying awake at times when I want to sleep. But this is the army, and this is my life. I only pray to God for a positive mind set. Something that can help me look forward to living this kind of a life. A motivation for me when I book out, and a motivation for me when I book in. What is this motivation? I know it all too well my self... but its not my time and season yet. She will come along someday, and when that one day comes... I promise that I will not take her for granted. It will come...hopefully it will come soon.

My worries and troubles increase every time I think about my future education. What do I REALLY want to study? But mostly importantly: What schools can I get into with my grades? I admit, I'm not exactly a model student. My grades are average, and I didn't excel in sports...what to do with my life?

For now, I am considering business and accountancy. Another prospect, other then physiotherapy. But for now. I dont want to worry about such things. For now, all I want is her.

Bon Voyage

Good bye for now Darice! We hope to see you soon in the near future. But in the mean time, stay true to who you are and who you want to be. God bless in your studies.

Sending off a long time friend reminded me of the time my own friends sent me off when I went to America. The excitment, anticipation of a new life. Altogether a good/mixed feeling of nervousness and happiness. I can't help but begin thinking about my own future. Where am I going for college? Where does God want to take me in my education? Whatever it is, I want to remain faithful and place my trust in God. I want to dream big dreams, and I can only hope that these big dreams will someday be my reality.

I've caught the travel bug, and there is nothing I can do to make it go away.

Christmas

Christmas doesnt feel the same as usual.
There's no warm feeling. No nostalgic feeling for the holidays. Its missing something...
It must be the cold, frosty air. Or the smell of turkey baking in various houses, or the lights lit up on every house. Or it must be the total ambience of the starry night sky, mixed with the chilliness of the air, along with the aroma of 'christmasy' delights that floats into my nostrils with the help of a small but nippy wind. But, maybe not. Maybe it's the excitment of waiting for the day to come. Maybe its the anticipation of celebrating with my family, with a tree, lights, the christmas special on tv playing. I'm missing all of these, because I'm spending christmas in a tropical climate, where the radio doesnt even bother to play christmas music on this special day. Yea, christmas is about Jesus' birth, but come on. Don't fool yourself, thats not the only reason we celebrate christmas. We celebrate christmas because it takes our minds off the daily routine of life. Its that one special day when families and friends gather together, and make merry with one another just because. The true feeling of christmas is being with each other, in your perfect memory of what a christmas day should be. The festive season extends beyond december 25th. After all, there are 12 days of christmas.

Merry Christmas everyone.

Its COMING!!

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year is coming soon! I love Christmas time..
Its the season when..I'm, genuinly happy. I feel peaceful and happy for myself and the people around me. This year Christmas will be with family and friends. Rachel won't be around, but I wish her the best Christmas even away from family and the Best Birthday. Lots of Love Rachel.

Must do's for christmas:
1. Listen to christmas music.
2. Watch christmas movies.
3. Be with family and friends.
4. Eat ginger snaps.

Its a christmas tradition for me to watch Love Actually. I've seen it every christmas time, ever since it came out. The movie is amazing, well thought out, especially for a hopeless romantic such as myself. I truely yearn for the 'waiting at the arrival gate' moment. Spectacular feelings...thats whats important...love.

Singles on and off The Court

Quiting my job has to be one of the best decisions i've made in 2010. I feel less stressed, worried, angry. Now I feel free, a real sense of joy playing tennis full time. Investing in, which i dream, for a future in sports. I want to achieve so many things in this lifetime...I'm sure others out there feel the same way. 'So many things to do, but so little time to do them.'
My last tournament was terrible. I'm not gonna put down my opponent, cause he beat me..but I feel a little cheated. Why? Why when I pray so much, and visualize myself holding up that trophy, do I still lose? It's at moment like these that I wonder if God is still around, and is he still holding on to the promises that he has given me...its all spiritual cliche I know, but its all real too. This is how I feel, and this is how I'm gonna write it. I feel Cheated. After i lost in straight sets 4-6, 4-6, I just left the courts. There was nothing good to say besides...What the Fuc*-in my mind of course...It was then, at that moment, that I felt lonely as ever.. No one knows besides me how much tennis means to me. Its a dream, a fantasy of mine to make it big in the sports industry. And the only way that i know how is to play tennis. There's no one i can talk to who will understand my state of depression after a loss, my loss of interest when i suffer a defeat. Come on, I'm not one that cant take a loss...I'm no sore loser. I wouldnt be mad if my opponent and I played well, and I still lost. But the fact was...I didnt play well, my opponent wasnt better then my best...it was just an overall bad competition. What else can i do but moan and complain? If you say 'Learn from your mistakes, you'll get better'..well then most likely you dont understand the impact of the game. If you play like crap, whats there to learn? Its just a bad day, a match played at the wrong time. There's nothing much to learn except...just keep playing and putting the ball back. So...I complain. Nothing to it...after this, I'll be back on the courts firing forehands crosscourt, placing backhands down the line, Serving up a storm, and vollying like i've never vollied before. Tennis is a mental game, its a lonely sport. But I love it, and it loves me-sometimes.

I cant help feeling that sense of loneliness. I need to get a girlfriend. A nice girl that I can talk to after a rough day, or talk to everyday in that matter. I just want to hear her voice, comforting me, celebrating with me, just talking to me, and vice versa. I want to hear about her day, encourage her when she's down, laugh with her over lame jokes...I need that 'someone'. If only finding, and getting were so simple. How do people do it? Does it start over a friend ship first, or does it happen spontaneously? Whatever it is...something good has to happen for me...it hasnt for a while now..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ROBSON!
- From this point onwards, you are just getting older and older, and there is no stopping it. However, its not such a bad thing. Growing older just allows you to become exposed to more things. You are, to simply put it, a talent. The works you do with your hands, the designs you creat are wonderful and creative. I believe you'll have a great future ahead of you. I also thank God for your friendship. In any case, friendship means the world to me, and you know that. I appreciate all that you have done for me, and with me. Thank you for your brutal honesty, you dont see many people out there that will tell you the truth...as it is. Plainly said: I Love You bro. HAPPY BIRTHDAY once again.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DARICE!
- Its all written in the card! =) I thank God for your love and voice in my life. If you ever doubt your abilities and talent, just turn and look to me. I am who I am today, partly because of you. Because you invested your time in my life, because you invested your love in my life, I am ALIVE...I am LIVING...I am able to LOVE GOD with all of my heart. My foundation has been built by people like you, who have been a positive influence. I LOVE YOU cuz, stay safe..and never lose sight of the prize God has set ahead of you.

HOPE

Dear Father,
Thank you for this Awesome message today! It's been a while since I've heard a refreshing message. But thank God, today was the day my cup overflowed. In and Out I go, and finally, long as I have waited, You came to me. Thankyou for this revelation. This new word, a refreshing thought that reminds me of your love for me. Blessed be your name! My hope is in you. For every aspect of my life, I place into your hands with faith. That what ever happens, Lord I pray for the best outcome. With my hope in you, I pray that your mercies will rise, your blessings will come. Thankyou Lord, that I am able to give my heart to you wholly. You are the great and mighty king, my friend, my father. I believe that my hope in you for the future will bear new fruits, great fruits. Let me experience your salvation all over again. Thank you God.

Amen.

LORD SAVE ME

It is in this distinctive moment of my life that I'm feeling dry. My bones are dry, my spirit is dry, my heart is dry. I'm in a state of confusion. ALmost everyday, I'm wondering to myself  'whens this all going to end? Will I finally feel sane again?' It's a battle of my emotions. Not exactly swimming agains the current, but trying to find a river to swim in. WHERE ARE YOU GOD? But I know you are always right beside me.The problem is, this time I'm going through a phase. This desert that I'm in, feels dryer then ever. Remain optimistic Shaun, victory is always at the end.

Fill me God. Fill me when my heart is broken for you. Fill me when my heart is already empty. I Shout out to your from inside: "GOD! SAVE ME FROM THIS!" All I long is for your presence. the presence that sustains my soul. I'm not asking for a sign nor a miracle, I'm asking for your love to fill me. From your word, let my faith be restored. Revival is here, I know it is here. I can't see it, but I trust it. No other way lord, but I'm still pressing on.

I only wish that others can come to know of your love God. I believe that LOVE overcomes sight.
Fill me God.

Old Stories Told

Its been a while since I've blogged. To much as it seems, I dont feel the need to blog any longer. Blogging used to be an essential. A place to harbour my feelings and my opinions of the world. It was a place where i could come and place down my thoughts onto a page for every one to see. But now, I dont feel that any more. However, i will continue to blog, because this is my creation. My world.

I feel that the excitment in my life is slowly depleting. Maybe its because im sick. Sick of work, sick in the body...sick. Its the same movement every day. Answering calls, serving customers, doing paper work, the same thing every day. But the good news is that I get to hang out with good friends on and off. Speaking of friends...ROBSON, thanks for hanging out with me bro! I know sometimes you may get sick of it, but really...its always good to hang out with someone that understands you and who you are. And share the same values, such as Christian values,outlooks on life, people, and someother and some rather inappropriate things. But its all good! I have something to be grateful for, and thats you're decision to bring me back to church again. You didnt force nor hate me when i didnt go, or was lazy to go. Although I made the decision my self, I want to thank God for your friendship, and love to bring me to church again. =)

I love God. I love church. I love everything about CHC, except for the past when i forced people to go to church. hahaha, thats right. I said it. I realize that a relationship with God cant be forced. It can only be introduced through love and good concern. =)

I always remind myself that I am blessed, always. No matter what circumstances im in, I can rely on my great pillar Jesus. Going back to CHC only reminded me of my feverance for God. It was truely refreshing to feel the REAl presence of God. No more pretending, no more faking. I just pray that I get things straight, I genuinely want to seek after God's heart. My this may seem a little cliche, but i dont really care what the world thinks. Its just like pastor says when we're worshipping "dont worry about the people on your left or on your right." Im forgetting what people think, I'm just going to worship God my own way, the only realy way i know how.

Peace out


PPeace out for now!

Singapore Char Siew Bao

The YOG closing ceremony was AWESOME! =)
It was definitly a great end to the fantastic inaugural Youth Olympic Games. I can only wish for such an experience.

I Finally got my Driver's License!

YOG!

I feel so Proud to be a Singaporean!
First things first. National day was a great day for me. Its was the first day in years that I sang the national anthem and said the pledge. Little did I know how much of an impact it had on me until that day. When I sang the song, my heart was rested. In my mind was a thrill, an excitment I hadnt felt before...the nostalgia of being back home. I dont want to be cornny, but "this is home, truely where I know i must be."

Next thing, The Youth Olympic Games! Its pretty exciting for Singapore to host this historical event. The first ever YOG, and it's taking place in Singapore. Hello people? Wake up! =) Smell the roses, look around you, there is no greter satisfaction for a country then to host a special event for the whole world to participate in. I mean, this may be the youth of olympics, the happy meal of mcdonalds, the jr.whopper, the shuffle of the ipods...but this, is GREAT!
I experienced my first olympic event today, and better yet, I was there to cheer on my cousin Cheryl in the 50m breast stroke. She didnt do too bad, made it to the semi-finals...didnt make it into the finals. Her best event in still to come this friday, the 200m breast stroke! Im extremely proud that she's now an Olympian. LEGIT. I wish I had a camera to take snapshots of my memories...

Wedding Dress

Attention Readers

Fellow bloggers,
Its been a long time, and we've stayed strong. We braved the winds of torment, we suffered the pains of defeat. We fought for all be believed was right, by our words we shed some light. We were the ones who caused the great divide, between what is black and what is white. They say that the pen is mighter then the sword, that words can pierce the heart of men and change the way the world rotates. A smooth motion, or a smooth flowing phrase is like symphony only the writer can imagine. We have taken a stand for what we want, what we wish for, what be long for. For this I congratulate us for being stronger then the world. For this I congatulate us for being the ones who spoke for a dying voice. The voice of the people, the voice of man kind. We are stronger because we speak our mind, we are free because we blog our emotions. Thoughts are complicated, further more complicated when kept alone, unshared, un-nutured. This is the symbol of what was meant to be.

I've been blogging for a long time now. This is probably the most commited I've been to anything..ever. I cant imagine how I had this going for years now. What puzzles me most is how I can always come back for more...just to keep on writing. This blog is my home page for crying out loud. Everytime I go on the internet, I hear Colbie Calliet's sweet voice singing my favorite song.

Life moves so quickly...I havent noticed that I've been working for a month now. I made a couple mistakes...ones which i probably have to pay for later, but I learned some valuable lessons on being extra careful, and being meticulous.

If anyone has a camera and hang out with me, please bring it along with you to take some cool "friend shots" I see on facebook all the time. Its time I'm with the IN crowd. Plus I really need some Singapore pictures on my facebook.

Sea Water Poetry

Today,
I went Wake-Boarding.
It was awesome.
I biffed many times.
But I loved the feeling of riding the water.
I want to do it again.
Thank you Gellenbeck Family.
Sweetness