Quiting my job has to be one of the best decisions i've made in 2010. I feel less stressed, worried, angry. Now I feel free, a real sense of joy playing tennis full time. Investing in, which i dream, for a future in sports. I want to achieve so many things in this lifetime...I'm sure others out there feel the same way. 'So many things to do, but so little time to do them.'
My last tournament was terrible. I'm not gonna put down my opponent, cause he beat me..but I feel a little cheated. Why? Why when I pray so much, and visualize myself holding up that trophy, do I still lose? It's at moment like these that I wonder if God is still around, and is he still holding on to the promises that he has given me...its all spiritual cliche I know, but its all real too. This is how I feel, and this is how I'm gonna write it. I feel Cheated. After i lost in straight sets 4-6, 4-6, I just left the courts. There was nothing good to say besides...What the Fuc*-in my mind of course...It was then, at that moment, that I felt lonely as ever.. No one knows besides me how much tennis means to me. Its a dream, a fantasy of mine to make it big in the sports industry. And the only way that i know how is to play tennis. There's no one i can talk to who will understand my state of depression after a loss, my loss of interest when i suffer a defeat. Come on, I'm not one that cant take a loss...I'm no sore loser. I wouldnt be mad if my opponent and I played well, and I still lost. But the fact was...I didnt play well, my opponent wasnt better then my best...it was just an overall bad competition. What else can i do but moan and complain? If you say 'Learn from your mistakes, you'll get better'..well then most likely you dont understand the impact of the game. If you play like crap, whats there to learn? Its just a bad day, a match played at the wrong time. There's nothing much to learn except...just keep playing and putting the ball back. So...I complain. Nothing to it...after this, I'll be back on the courts firing forehands crosscourt, placing backhands down the line, Serving up a storm, and vollying like i've never vollied before. Tennis is a mental game, its a lonely sport. But I love it, and it loves me-sometimes.
I cant help feeling that sense of loneliness. I need to get a girlfriend. A nice girl that I can talk to after a rough day, or talk to everyday in that matter. I just want to hear her voice, comforting me, celebrating with me, just talking to me, and vice versa. I want to hear about her day, encourage her when she's down, laugh with her over lame jokes...I need that 'someone'. If only finding, and getting were so simple. How do people do it? Does it start over a friend ship first, or does it happen spontaneously? Whatever it is...something good has to happen for me...it hasnt for a while now..
