Hidden Corners

So, ashamed as i am to say, among the midst of unpackingboxes as i moved to america about a year ago, I lost the posession that meant so much to me: The cell group's scrap book. But now, as i am yet again moving to anoher house, my mom happened to see it stuck in the corner of my closet pushed against cushions so it was safe. I think it was my dad who put it there. But you know, things always seem to come back most when you need them most, especially memories. Almost...a miracle.
I read through the stuff you wrote to me, and it brought back good memories for me.

Julia: I know i know, i've finally proved how much of an ass i can be. haha, =) . We may not be on the best speaking terms, but thanks. Thankyou for the support, thankyou for memories. I will reach for the stars, the same way you will too.

Daniel: Life in many ways, is extremely complicated. But whats a good life without bad times? I've been through the rollercoaster road with you, and daniel... look at you now. I am happy to hear that you are doing a course that you love. Go for your dream, nothing can take you down.

Jeremy: Jeremy! I miss you buddy! Im having a great time over here, but i cant wait to be back in Singapore, no lie... i dont lie. I will definitly give you a call when i get back

Lucas: Thanks for the speech in the scrapbook =) I agree with you, friendship is forever. "Farewell but not good-bye." Certainly, I will give you a call when i get back to Singapore. Much is missed.

Darice: What can i say? Thanks for this thoughtful gift. Many things have changed, people have moved along. But one thing i hope in people that will ever die out is love. That Darice, i can definitly safely say you have overflowing. So put that love thing in a container and share! =) See you in a while

Ivan: Hows it going funny man? I havent seen you in a while, nor have i seen the others also. Hows that cooking of yours coming along? We'll meet up when i get back =)

Ying Hui: Hey miss america! How'd you like the place? Not so bad huh... haha, i wouldnt be surprised if you got attatched to it. Tell me everything, email me or something!


Xue Ni: Hello. I've read your blog, and all seems to be alright. How are things going? Tell me, i wanna know =) or dont tell me if you dont want to, haha. Keep in contact, email me or something

Xue Wen: Hows the little girl of the cell group? All grown up now? =) Believe in yourself, and you can go far. Oh.. and go for your dreams. What do you want to be? Share! haha =)
ake it up. You'

Eunice: Shre a good friend Eunice, and you make other people know you are a good friend also. I don know about being the most annointed, but you can bet i'll reply your emails! So check that inbox

Nick: So, hows my very dark and also very attatched friend doing? I'll see you when i get back. Then, we can make some college plans =)

Leroy: Hey drama geek. Whats all happening? You seem very busy with your drama stuff, and i get you. And dont be drinking too much without me! Whats the drinking age again? I've made plans with Lucas to go to hooters already! haha =)

Keli: Hey. You look extremely happy in the picture in my scrapbook. =) Haha, kinda makes me want to laugh too. I'll see you when i get back. So hows things in poly? Get a girlfriend yet? ;) We can meet at hooters with Nick, Lucas and Leroy. haha

So im actually gonne move to a two storied private house on rent. The people living above us keep making awful love, and they want the whole family to hear. Soo, my mother was prompted to move away from such disgusting love making. I also have some pictures of recent things, so lucas can see them because he doesnt have facebook.

A Whole New World Duet

Haloween With Baby Isaac

Thanksgiving With aunty Kin

Holding Beers with uncle Bill

Epic hurdle for Dive Team

The Dive Team (Maria, Parker, Me)

Turkey Day

Thanksgiving Day!
Nothing like sitting out with the nice cool weather and stuffing myself with turkey, ham, mashed potatoes, green bean casseroll, dinner rolls, pie, wine, more turkey, more ham, cranberry sauce, pie. And then moving inside to watch Hangover again. That movie is soo good and soo funny.

Check these songs out:
Fireflies - owl city
She is love - Parachute
Hey soul sister - Train
Fallin for you - Colbie Calliet (or however you spell it)

A couple of days ago, a motivational speaker came to speak at school. His speech was about drugs and dreams, but i loved how he didnt talk about drugs too much. Too often, speakers stress "DONT DO DRUGS" or start to point fingers at people. He simple told us his story about his abusive past, and told us stories about other people who have been hurt, abused, emotionally and physically. Here's a couple of the stories he told us:

A football player who stood 6 ft 6 in, was a football player in 8th grade. He had quite the football team, and his friends had ditched him and started calling him names. In the hallways, people would call him a fag, a pussy, a pansy, an asshole, a retard, just because he had quite the football team. But he had his own reason for quiting the football team. It wasnt because he didnt want to play any longer, but it was because of family issues. Every day, he would come home from football practice just in time to feed his siblings because his mother was a drunkard. Every night his father would also come home and beat his mother. You see, he had no choice but to quit. He chose to leave the team to support his family and protect his mother. The team had judged him based on the surface, they didnt bother to learn about his life, they judged. In my opinion, even though he was 6"6', he was definitly the strongest person in his team.

A cheerleader confessed to the speaker that she was using her body to get closer to people. She was finding love in all the wrong places. In school people called her a slut, bitch...all kinds of bad names. But really, all she wanted was love because she didnt get it at home. She would rather hear, I love you fake, than not at all.

You are not emo, a slut, a bitch or any name some one gives you. You are who you are, because no one knows you better than you. In any situation you face, and hear someone call you a name. Dont let that bring you down, because all they know is....nothing. NEVER LET ANY PERSON STOP YOU FROM REALIZING YOUR DREAM. NEVER LET ANY PERSON BRING YOU DOWN.

Live a day in another person's shoe before you make any judgements. Ever wondered why that guy turned gay? Ever wondered why that person cut? Ever wondered why that person is who they are? If you dont know the reason, give that person a chance to live a life with one less person judging him.
Happy Thanksgiving :) Dont forget, a dream only dies if you let that star in you burn out.

When Butterflies Decide to Fly

Is it true what they say? Is it true that all you need is love?
I have loved before. i have broken hearts, and i have had my heart broken. Is it a love-hate relationship...love and I? Will it come back?
Its horrible how love takes me on a ride. How much i think of the one that got away, or am i too young to even know that she was the one who got away. Is it a sin to think about the one who broke my heart? Is it a lie to say that i have no more feelings for her?
Im a wreck in my heart. I dont know what i want, i dont know what to do. I dont know what to say, i dont know how to feel. All i know is, i feel like adistant planet...far away from others.
What is true love? Will it seek me again? I know that i wont be able to find it, it finds me. Will cupid send another arrow down my way? To take away the other portions of love i feel for that one...that 1.
"They call her love love love love love.... And she is all I need."

Shakespear and chaucer write about love. My heart spills the same emotions.
Her heart was beating like my heart.
Her soul moves my soul
like the ocean waves crash against the sea rock,
so violently, yet so refreshing.
Her beauty so devine. Its observing the early start of spring
when the lillies bloom to their fullest
Its the moon that becones to the waters
its shiny beams delicatly showing the ripples.
Oh moon,
stay moon. Never go away
you light the darkness
Stay with me, stay with me
Her soft lips singing sweetly
tunes, melodies, symphonies, orchastrating the pulsating beats of my heart
to hers.
Together,
our hearts beat for one another.
Together,
When the world falls down,
we have each other.
If only you would come to realize that,
I still love you.
But you can never come back to me.
You would never come back to me.
Like a biscuit in your palms,
crushed my heart,
crushed my year, torn apart.
But all will be well,
Soon, i will love again.

2 Stories and a Thousand Lemons

You know, they say when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Life is like a book, it has a spine and pages to read. It can be open, it can be closed. It can be a journal, it can be a diary. It can be happy it can be dark. Whatever mood it is, my book is always open, waiting for the rain to wash away the letters... so that i can write new ones again. You see, my pages never run out, not yet any ways. There is much more of me that wants to see the world, that wants to look at other people, that wants to feel love again. Too many bad things have happened, also too many good has come. Its not what you get, but what you give. That is peoples' mistake. They want..want..want. But hardly ever think how...how...how. Somewhere in this world, the cheap shoe you're wearing is made by a small child working his ass off to make that crap shoe of yours cheap. what color is it? Green? Blue...or maybe even yellow? It doesnt matter, as long as you get.

She was walking along the river bank when i first saw her, and there she was again. Long curly hair flying in the wind, long silk dress dyed in light blue that patterned the shiny blue of her eyes. She was beautiful, not overly done, but beautiful. And that was the first time i laid eyes on her, and loved her. Love is like a fragile being. Beat it, abuse it, take it by force and its gone like sand in the wind. Comfort it, be patient with it, hold it, it blossoms like a lilly in early spring. I approached her, each time i did, my heart beating faster than before. She looked at me, I looked at her. Deep into her eyes i looked, but her... she looked right through me. She looked right through my hollow body, my invisible form of human. She couldnt see me, but i could see her. A subtle breeze blew across the medow, whistles from the tress accompanied its swaying motions. It was then that she cried. She cried her first tears in a long time. Streams of tears flowed like a waterfall down her rosey cheeks. Tears dripped from her eyes like rain in an autumn night. She wanted to stop, but she couldnt. She wanted to be brave, but now she couldnt. I stood away from her, watching her weep. She looked like she could use a shoulder to cry on, but i didnt have one. All i could do was watch... remembering the times we shared together. All our evenings were filled with laughter, smiles, drinking and occassionally a kiss from her to me that made my day all better. We were lovers, but she was a married woman. Too often had she been away from home that her husband became suspicious. Rampage, as if a demon from hell, he hit her how a man should never hit a woman. He beat her like a dog taking a lashing. He cursed at her as enemies do. I was there at that moment, all I wanted to do was protect her. But i failed. She laid there bloodied and bruised, and i laid there dead. She knelt over my body, even in death i could feel the warmth of her hands. I miss it. There she knelt, on the medow, in the presence of lillies, she cried. She cried for me to come back, she cried for me to lend her my shoulder. She cried out my name, all i could do was watch. I am nothing but a soul in despair, but she has despair in her soul. We were lovers, now we are worlds apart

The mood is changing around here. The chill is dropping in.
p.s. if lemonade doesnt have sugar, its lemons altogether.

Singapore

My nephews are leaving for Singapore tomorrow. Its kinda sad and kinda exciting.
Im gonna miss having hem around here, but its going to be a new surrounding for them all over again. Its pure excitment of going back and meeting your family and friends again.
I'm anticipating when i get back to Singapore. But at the same time, i dont want to leave this place behind. I have Army to "look forward" to... and a new life to live, and i have to grow up more.
When i was at hotel room, my nephew Alex was talking with his friends. One of these friends used to be his girl friend. They were just hanging out like old times. But when i saw her, her eyes were red from crying... i knew that she cant bear to let him go.
There are some people i cant bear to let go of, and the goodbyes will be sad. You never know whens the next time you'll see them again. Sure there is IM and Skype... but there is a need for a physicall attatchment. Well, i know now how i will feel when i head back to singapore. Its going to be a really sad night for me, and then a really happy morning.

See you later Max and Alex, have a safe trip. And ill come visit you soon!

Pumpkins and Chocolate

Whoo! This week is half days. At least I can get a minor break from school.
I think im suffering from senioritis: the condition of slacking as a senior. I just wanna get out of here. Of course, i have to do well first, graduate then get out. Its beginning to get really hot. Today it reached 90 degrees F. Not the right temperature for fall...damn

Halloween, i dressed in orange. Nothing special in that, but who cares. My cousin dressed up as a fat man, he had bubble wrap around his body. And he trick or treated with a tray full of chicken nuggets. hahaha. Then after trick or treating, we went to the movies to see Paranormal Activity. It was THE most scary movie i've ever seen. So freaky...

Im done with the senior project... but i think i've done something wrong with it.

Now Im in a whole new world with you.

Yesterday night was one of the best nights in the world.
3 weeks of practicing the duet song, has led to one of the best vocals of my life.
Rachel Hubly and I sang out duet song: A Whole New World, and Donggi played the piano... and what'da you know... I was the closing the closing act =)

We sang, and sang our hearts our. And after, soaked the applause from the audience. Been there, done that.

HAUNTED CORN MAZE

AHHHH!!! I've been blog raped! ... but curiously, i like it. =)
Well, yesterday was soo awesome. I went to Buckelew Farm with my cousins. We bought tickets for the haunted corn maze and the regular corn maze.

Haunted Corn Maze
So we entered. THe entrance was one of the scary parts. We were stuck in a dark room, and all around us people the walls were making creaking and scratchy noises...after 5 mins of intense darkness the door opened were we were greated by a werewolf that scared my aunt.haha. It was open field so as were walked, i could see the night sky. I was in front, so lead the group. The haunted corn maze had a series of mini haunted "houses", the was a: revolving wagon, optical illusion bridge, completely dark maze, stobr lights with hanging pigs and dead clowns, evil clowns chasing after us with a chain saw, a room filled with air bags and a low ceiling so we had to crawl and squeeze. So in the end, after 25 mins of screaming my lungs out, and breaking a cold sweat, we entered the actual corn maze.

Corn Maze
We were all given a map to find the way out of the maze. We looped and swirled around the maze for 30 mins before we became frustrated and finally decided to try to find out bearings. It took us another hour to find the way out. It was actually the worst... confusion of finding yourself at the same spot each time. I felt like i was in a horror movie, repeating the same scene over and over again. It came to a point where my cousin and I picked up some corn stalks and attatched our torchlights to them to make it look like light sabers, and we fought... and ohh did we fight welll.

Today is Isaac's 3rd birthday party, his actual birthday is on tuesday. Happy Birthday little brother =)

Sup bro.

Lol, don't mind me invading your blog for a bit. But we all in Singapore miss you man. (: And hope you are doing well in US. Oh yea, and this is gonna be posted so you better take it down and replace it with a new post. Hahah, Halloween is coming up soon. Do dress up and take pictures. No excuses!

Cheers bro!
LeRoY

(This was all just for fun. (: I still remember!!! OMG!!!! I am amazing. XD)

NIGHTFALL

Its 4 am in the morning.
I just got back from Nightfall! Its October and close to halloween, so we celebrate.
I went to Old Tucson with my aunt, uncle and cousins. Paid to enter, and so there it was, the theme park of horror. Except there were no rides, but 3 haunted houses and 3 shows. It was kinda cool to walk around the park, being greeting by ghouls and zombies. =) People were screaming every where, young girls, big girls, small boys, big boys...

My favorite part of the theme park was the Old Mine haunted house. It had a special part in the haunted house where there was a rotating wheel and a bridge. When I stepped onto the bridge, i felt like my entire body was spinning around and around. Ultimate high, haha. It was so fun, we went back to do it again.

The shows were cool. One of the shows we watched was the hypnosis. The "master" pulled volunteers up onto the stage and slowly began to hypnotize them, and the participating crow also. The hypnosis method was to relax the people. That part, was no hypnosis, it was a form of stress reliever, which i did partake of and felt the tension released from my body. It was great! =) After the shinanigans...boring part.... he commanded the volunteers to do crazy stuff. He made them all believe tissue paper were $100 bills, and told them to hide them in their shirts and pants! Its was hilarious. He could command a lady to pretend she was Pamela Anderson and another guy a shoe thief that literally stole other people's shoes on stage. The show was funny, but I dont think i fully believe in hypnosis. In my opinion and a fair others, the people on stage were acting out and just being a fool on stage to gain attention. I dont know, but it seems a little phony to me. Well, maybe just because im skeptical about such things. The truth is, a person can only become hynotized if he/she allow themselves to be.

So after all that fun, and a whole lot of pictures we went to IHOP for pancakes and headed home. I'm sorry I ditched Marina! But sometimes plans just dont work out as it is, maybe next week.

Joy Ride

Hey guys,
Rather than some random shorts post of my life, I'm gonna make a random long post of my life. :)

Well, summer has gone and autumn is in, and it feels so darn good! Its cold in the mornings, just nice in the afternoon for a good read on the hammock, and cold again at night. To me, its the perfect condition for living. The leaves are turning red, some of them any ways. People are taking walks now. Its just simply beautiful.

Yesterday was the start of a week of fall break. I don't have much to do actually. Just sit around at home, read, do homework and play wii. Yesterday I did hang out with friends though. Went to the movies to watch Couples' Retreat with Riley and Marina. The movie was funny, but meant more for couples than just an ordinary comedy you catch with friends. I felt like i was sitting through a couples confession and therapy session at times. But over all it was good, maybe a 3 out of 5.

After the movie we went to Devan's house and then went to Riley's house to play some B-ball. Devan decided to give us all a "joy" ride in his car. He took off down the neighborhood at 60mph and did doughnuts and almost ran into cars, scared the crap out of me. :/ I'm not looking forward to riding with Devan anytime soon again haha.

I just got done with a really good book by Mitch Albom. This author is probably one of the more genius authors you will ever get to see in this lifetime, because of his simple ideas that make people think deep. Any ways, I read: For One More Day. And its basically about a torn out baseball player who became a salesman. He has a broken family where his relationship with his mom and daughter has become almost entirely ruined. He attempts to commit suicide one night and finds himself in his old hometown and meets his dead mother. His mother teaches him about things he never knew, like the simple sacrifices she made for him. Like, becoming a house cleaner to get him through college (where he quit), kicking the dad out of the house to protect him and his sister, and simple acts that most of us forget. He learns also about a dark family secret, that his father had another family when he was still married to his mother. The years he had hated his mother for chasing his dad away had been revealed, and he seeks forgiveness. During the time he meets his mother, every thing in real life was happening in slow motion, as if time had stopped. He comes to consciousness, and years after that reconciles the love that he has lost because of forgiveness.

I think its a pretty amazing book. In under 200 pages, he had managed to tap into my consciousness. His other books are pretty amazing too. :)

So how's life everybody? Its good to know we're all still breathing, but what happens between breaths? You tell me :)

Sing Away

Today we performed.
It was a good feeling to perform in front of a crowd. The choir sang well, we all sang well.
All the men dressed in the tuxedoes and ladies in their dresses. It was good effort for a month that finally paid off today.

Pain is 90% in the mind

So yesterday something happened.
I was on the diving board and i slipped and fell off the board. Not only did i fall off, but i also cut my shin (leg) open. It wasn't painful or anything, just the shock of getting out of the water and looking at my leg. It was all white around the cut and you could see the bone... AWESOME!
SO i went to the hospital, and here comes the worst part. The doctor injected some stuff into my wound. The most pain I've felt in my life, right there in those 30 seconds. Needle into the wound, not good. And then she started to wash and then stitch up.

I think I've learned a valuable lesson from this: Always wipe the board before a dive, cause its slippery. And look into medicine, because its a rewarding job.

Summary

This whole week was spirit week, so people had to dress up in certain clothes to show their school spirit. Yesterday, i dressed up as a spartan.
I went to school in a towel as a cape, homemade armor and a head band. After pep assemble, all the guys who dressed up like Spartans went to the bridge to block the lower class men from going to their classes. It was epic! Haha, just like the movie 300. We held on to the bridge with a whole lot of pushing a shoving and shields being destroyed, it was pretty fun although i got injured in the field of battle. Some person stepped on my foot.

At choir, we played sushi tag. Its a game where the is an outer circle of people, and each person has a partner who sits in front of them, its kinda like an outer circle and an inner circle. only one person doesn't have a partner. He/she has to call out 2 people sitting in the inner circle, and the 2 people have to run over to touch his/her hand. However, the catch is, their partner has to do whatever it takes to hold on to them and not let them go. If a partner loses his partner, he has to call 2 people.. so on a so forth. I got some serious rug burn and bruises from wrestling.

We got new people for dive whoo! 4 people to be exact. =)
After dive practice, Tim and I went to the watch the homecoming game... and the football team lost. WHO LOSES THEIR HOME COMIN GAME?!? embarrassment to the max.
I got a ride with Ryan, and going out of school, some truck rear ended the car, and Ryan got whip lash. "Best" part was... the truck drove away... hit-and-run anybody?

So today i woke up at 530 to drive to school at 630. The dive team took the bus with the swim team down to the UofA to attend the Speedo/Nike invitational. I've gotta say, i dove pretty OK. And the judges are sooo corrupt, or maybe they need glasses or something. They didn't call bulks, they gave 0's to divers who certainly did their dives. The judges were Pheonix coaches, so they pretty much gave more points to their team. If a diver from Tucson dived the same dive as the Phoenix diver and with the same form, the Phoenix diver would score more. Any ways, coach understands the situation and I take it as an experience to improve on my form. Its not easy diving.

Tennis, tennis , tennis

Wow. I got my ass whooped in the tournament.. hahaha.. but its all good.
Probably the worst draw that i can have.. first round: #1 in my school. Consolation round of 16: #5 in the tournament. oh well. At least i managed to win at least 1 game in the whole match haha. Looking forward to much more improvements

Corrections of Pain.

Don't I deserve a father who treats me like his son?
Don't I deserve a mother who can ease my pains, and comfort me?
Don't I deserve a father who understands my problems? When I need to be held, he will be there to hug me?
Don't I deserve a life of parents who support me and not find every fault in me?
Where is God in these situations?
Why don't I have a mother who understands my concerns?
Why don't I have a father who supports my sports? Instead of shrugging his shoulders at me after a hard day in school.
Why do I have a father who daily preaches to me but never treats me with love and respect?
This is why I rebel, this is why I hate. This is when I slowly become a little mad on the inside, and my world is turned upside down.
Not even God wants to bother,
Not even they want to care.
No matter what anyone tells me, I'm not loved....
Not yet.
I'm not fully cherished...
Not yet.
This family isn't meant to last.
Even the brother will rebel, some day.
One day I will break free from their chains of darkness holding me down.
Someday I will discover that God didn't..doesn't exist in this household...
Maybe somewhere else.
One day I will know that they all secretly plotted to bring my doom, knowing my weaker sides.
Today i know that they laugh at my mistakes,
Today I know they provoke my past relationships and cut over the scars of a once healed wound.
It's no one but me, just my grief, my sorrows, and my will to live.
Nothing strengthens better than tears.
Don't I deserve a better life?
Don't I deserve to be loved as well?